


Them and Em - Chapter 2 - It's alright.

by ThatOneWierdComment



Series: Them and Em [3]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: Depression, Drug Use, Drugs, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Overdosing, References to Depression, References to Drugs, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-02
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-15 07:48:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29805237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatOneWierdComment/pseuds/ThatOneWierdComment
Series: Them and Em [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2187732





	Them and Em - Chapter 2 - It's alright.

I woke up to my phone going off. It wasn't my alarm though. Sitting up, I answered the phone. "Hello?" "Hi Kai. Emari here." "Hey Emari! Whaddup?" I chirped, a smile appeared on my face. "Sorry for calling you at like 2:30am but could you come pick me up?" I shuffled to the side of my bed, quickly jumping onto the carpeted floor. "Sure. Where are you?" "The bus stop at Laraisville." "Oh damn. How'd you get there?" The cold fleece lightly stroked my hands as I pulled my jacket on. "I-I." Emari exhaled, e was probably questioning something. "It's okay, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to." "No, no. It's just that I may or may not have ran off." "Oh. Don't worry. I'll be there before 3." Softly opening and closing the door, the cold winter wind hit my face. "It's really cold. Are you okay there?" "Just a little bit cold." I lightly smiled at eir response. "You truly are a sweetheart, hm?" I cooed, earning a slight giggle from the other end of the telephone.

"Anyway. Is there anything you'd like to talk about?" "Why is there a word for the action of throwing someone or something out a window but not for the day after tomorrow?" "Hold on, what?" "Defenestration. Started the Thirty's war." "So you're- A word for flinging someone out a window, but not for the- Why?" "I don't know. For the same reason giraffes exist I guess." "Fair point." The car's engine whirred as I headed to the road.

"Aren't your parents worried?" "No, they're asleep." "Okay. I'll drop you off at Turner Street. You can go from there, right?" "Y-Yeah." "Mind telling me why you ran off?" "I guess I got scared. I really didn't want to. It's mainly that I felt so much bundled up inside of me I thought I was gonna explode." "I can drop you off at 3:45, we won't be to late and we can go for a drive. "Y-Yeah. That'd be nice." "Okay I'm almost there." One comfortable silence later I pulled up and picked Emari up. "Here's a blanket." "Thank you." "Okay, we'll make a quick trip to Ninjova and then go to Turner." "Alrighty."

"Hey, Kai?" "Mhm?" "Why is my mom mad at me for not wanting a husband?" "I don't know. She'll have to get over it." "What did your mom say when you said you said you like girls?" "She kept sending me pictures of baby stuff she still had in the hope I'd change my mind." "And?" "I cut off contact after 2 weeks because she was also filtering out what I can and cannot say publicly about her relationships. Like shut up Sharon, everyone knows you're just trying to cover up the fact you're a bad mother and were having an affair with some old man." "Yeah. I agree, your mother was pretty bad." "She never was the person that I wanted she was." "Why?"

"I just want her to be proud of me. For once."

"Mothers sometimes suck." "I don't even wanna call that homophobic woman my mother." "It hurts me how someone can be like 'I am okay with gay people thus I am not homophobic. BUT my kids can't be part of the lgbtq.' Karen's gotta shut up and accept that I like girls, non-binaries and librafemmes. If she doesn't then she's a bad mother. " "Agreed. I'll drop you off now, okay?" "Mhm." "See you later." "See you later alli **gay** tor." "I hate you." "Love you to, bye!" The door shut after Emari, causing me to feel a little weird. I return home and throw myself onto my bed.

"KAI?!" My father's voice echoes trough my head as blurs slowly fade from my vision. "KAI GET UP!" He yells again, I rush with him. "Yeah?" "I hate you. So so much." His expression was serious and mad. "Why?" Hoping it was a little prank, I hugged him. "Don't touch me. GET OFF OF ME!" "Dad-" "LAIZA." A mix of anger, sadness and fear washed over me. "Why?" The words left my mouth, equal as sad as I felt. "I really really just want you to leave. Leave the state." He hissed. "But why?" "Laiza I do no-" "Shut up, stop calling me Laiza. It hurts." "LAIZA, LISTEN TO ME." "Dad, I-" "LAIZA SHUT UP!" "I really don't like thi-" "LISTEN TO ME. You have caused me so much pain. I have packed your stuff. Go." Tears formed in my eyes. "Please." "Da-" "GO!" I nodded, leaving quickly with tears running down my face. A loud train honk interrupted my thoughts, yet I was to late. I screamed in fear.

A loud thud announced I had fallen onto the floor, out of breath and definitely crying. Forcing my eyes open, I recognized the closet. Not the same one I used to be sitting in for 10 years, but the closet in my room. I sat up, grabbing my phone.

**old man**

My bro, my friend, big G,please|  
come pick me up>

|My child, my friend, big K,  
<where are you

College>

My fingers slid across the screen, making a light tapping noise when my nails hit the phone.

Today

Hey Dad, do you hate me?>

|No,  
|Never.  
<You're my kid.

Thank you :)>

<Why?

Had a nightmare.>

|Just remember I'll always be  
|your old man, trough all legal  
<activities.

Very clear. Bye!>

<❤!

Releasing a relieved sigh, I layed back down on the floor.

<Don't you have college?

You trying to get me a heart|  
attack or something?>

<Perhaps.

I chuckled at the image.

Leaving the house, I decided to go get some ice cream or go annoy Phil. Probably go annoy Phil. I yanked the car door open, changing my mind.

"And then Philza said 'You're my son!' I then proceeded to cry for thirty-six minutes." Hayden's talking fainted to background noise as my thoughts interrupted. Before I knew it I was in a car and we were headed to McDonalds at thirty over midnight. "Hey, Kai, what do you want?" Hayden asked. "Sleep." "No I mean what food do you want?" Correcting me, he chuckled. "Beesechurger- I mean cheeseburger." "Gen Z is weird. Anyway, that'll be it!"

After that I blacked out. I was awake, I just didn't know what I was doing. Waking up, I noticed that I wasn't in my room. Quietly I walked downstairs, hearing Hayden's low voice. "Hey! How ya doin?" He asked. Shirtless, he was probably trying to play that trick from high school romance movies. "Oh hell no." I left immidiantly. "KAI-" I shut my car door before leaving his driveway, ensuring that I wasn't speeding.

Throwing myself onto my desk chair, I texted my friend.

**friend who is short**

|We were gonna but Minx someway  
|how got arrested and now I have  
<to go alone.

How the hell did Minx get  
arrested?>

|Long story but basically she  
|managed to accidentally hit  
|someone in the head with a shot  
<glass

_Today_

Big Q wanna play on the smp>

<KAIAS! Yeah sure.

Oh my god, not Mexican Dream returning. I booted up my PC and watched the screen as it slowly loaded. With the time I had I decided I'd stream. Right that second my PC showed the familiar background.

Opening OBS and google, I put on the familiar white-grey blindfold and mask, it had this strange old feeling to it because it was lightly tinted yellow, like an old picture. They represented my character, the one I played to be. Vintage, as I liked to call them, was my comfort. They were everything I wasn't. Exept, one twist. They did not have eyes, all that was behind that one blindfold, that miserable yellow thing, was a black blur. Just a black blur, nothing to it. It represented their fear, my fear. The fear of just myself. It wasn't a fear. I guess you could classify it as body dysphoria. I don't really like that term. I perfer just being socially akward. Their eyes had kind of the same effect as Ranboo. Like an enderman, making "eye" contact with the blur was extremely triggering. That's why the blindfold was there. When they got triggered though, not fun. Like deadly not fun. I'll just keep it to that so that I don't get scared. "Hi guys!" I cooed, starting to stream.

"EYYYYY VINTAS!" Alex's voice beamed trough my headset, his Mexican accent very obviously there. "BIG Q!" Tommy also yelled, joining the vc. "Oh hi Vin." "I see you're very exited to see me Tommy." "Y-Yeah." He burst out in his iconic laughter. "How-How are Schlatt and Ghostbur doing?" "Well Schlatt accidentally hit Friend and now Ghostbur is screaming at him. "Hold on I gotta hear it." Mumbling, a soft click breaks the border between peace and yelling. "-IEND WAS GONNA DIE!" "HE WAS ON LIKE 5 HEARTS!" Their ghost echoes made it even funnier. "OH MY GOD SCHLATT YOU HURT FRIEND!" "I'M GLATT!" Leaving the vc, I didn't bother interfering with their arguement about the blue-coloured sheep named Friend.

Realizing it had been atleast 50 hours since I last took my binder off, panic was now my main emotion. "I'll be right back." Falling out of my chair and stumbling into the bathroom, I rip the blindfold off together with my mask and shirt. My lungs feel free as the black elastic is removed from my chest. The freezing cold of the floor spreads trough my legs as my knees decide I forgot how to stand.

  
Why do I feel this way?  
I don't like this.  
I want to go back, I need to go back.

**I don't wanna die.**

The words feel like things your cousin calls words during scrabble, floating around in my skull. They hurt my head. I hurt my head. I hurt myself.

"No no no, I'm fine, it's okay Kai. It'll be okay." As I mumble sweet nothings to myself I pull my shirt back on, same with the mask and blindfold. I sat back down into my chair, pulling my legs up and just holding them close for a bit.

_DreamSiMP: are you okay?_   
_Bananawoman632:^_

"Yeah, I'm good chat." Mumbling, my legs slowly slide out of my arms. Can't believe I'm about to mentally break down in front of about 12 000 viewers. Sliding my mouse across the screen, a simple double-click opens minecraft. Before I knew it it was 2:30 am and I was screeching to a 19-year old trying to sell me cacao powder in a game. "C'MON MAN! IT'S THE GOOD STUFF MAN!" "OH MY GOD BIG Q STOP TRYING TO SELL VINTAGE DRUGS!" Tommy screeched in response. "BUT IT'S THE GOOD STUFF MAN!" "I'm gonna go to bed. Bye." Before any responses were given I left the call.

Walking into my bathroom, I sank to the floor.

**Gremlin**

Emari?>

<Yes?

Can you please come over? :(>

|Ok, I'll be there soon. Stay  
<where you are.

I put my phone down, pulling my legs back up to my chest.

 _No, no. My chat wouldn't care if I wasn't okay_. _I don't think anyone would care exept Emari. Why do I keep hurting em? I don't want to hurt em. I want em to be happy. I want em to just be happy. Maybe if I stop being a worry of em e'll be happy. Probably. I should stop existing. That's the solution. I just don't want the choice of hurting em anymore. I really just don't want to. Why do I feel this way? I don't want to, I don't want to be what tears people down._

Getting up from the bathroom floor, my only goal was to find whatever I could use. And that was Paxil.

"Kai? KAI!" Emari's voice mixes with the loud ring in my ears as the only thing I feel is my body slumped against the carpeted floor. I don't remember anything.

My eyelids slowly open as I start to make figures out of the shapes I see.  
 _Kill it._

 _They have to live._  
My vision turns black again as the whispers stop.  
  
  
  
  
  
  


A bright ray of sunshine digs into my eyes as a groan escapes my mouth. "Kai? Are you awake?" "Oh, hi." Emari pulls me into a hug, softly crying. "I thought I was gonna lose you." "I was kind of hoping you would." "Kai, I-" E backed off a little to look me in my eyes. "I really don't want to lose you. I know you sometimes think you're annoying and that you're just bothering me but... You're the reason why I'm still here. I promise you I wouldn't have been sitting here if you were dead." "What day is it?" "It-" E took out eir phone, looking at it. "17'th of December. You went in a coma for like 10 days." Shutting my eyes, I sat up. Blurs of white light and grey light indicated that I had been placed in a hospital. Wich was kind of logical, now that I think about it. "A lot of people are worried about you. Alex and Karl came to visit you about two days ago. Speaking about them, I'll text them so they know you're awake. "Oh. You're on the news." Emari softly muttered.

"Hm? For what?" "Popular twitch streamer found 'dead' after not streaming for over a week." Chuckling, I suggested I just tweet out I'm fine. "Good idea, here." It was a weird feeling touching my phone again. Mainly because half my left arm was wrapped in bandages. This wasn't the first time I had been in a coma. Muscle memory caused me to quickly locate and open the app that was shown with a blue bird. "What should I put?" "Just like 'Guys I'm okay, I'm not dead.'" I tweeted out those exact words. "I think it's best if you stay with Philza for the next couple weeks." Humming in agreement, I texted Phil.

**_-Old man 2.0-_ **

Dadza can I stay with you for about the next week?>

<Yeah sure.

Thankyou <3>

<Also why didn't you or Emari show up to the trip? :(

Got hospitalized D:>

<What happen?

I'll tell you when I see you, the doctors said I'll be in here for about 2 more days.>

<Ok, are you fine with me visiting you tomorrow?

Yes, yes I am. See you Dadza :)>  
 _Read_

  
After that I just fell asleep again.

"Morning Kai!" Phil's soft yet powerful voice pulled me out of my slumber. Sitting up in my bed, i smiled. "Hello Phil!" "How are you doing?" "I'm doing great!" He settled on the side of my bed, softly smiling. "Y'know, everyone was a bit worried. Wilbur kept calling you but you wouldn't pick up, and Karl went to your house to see if you were there. Same with Emari's though, he asked e but e wouldn't answer." "Mhm." "So would you mind telling me what happen?" "I felt bad for hurting Emari so many times I decided that maybe if I didn't have the choice to hurt em anymore e would feel better. I know it's such a stupid choice but I guess I'm kind of lucky." "You're very lucky, kiddo. Does your dad know you're hospitalized?" "No, nobody exept for Karl, Alex, Emari and you. Nor does anyone really know what happen." "We can just keep this a secret. You don't need to tell the world." "Maybe I should take a break." Throwing my head back onto my pillow, Phil hummed. "You definitely should. Just tweet it out and post a video or something." "Mhm." "One thing's for sure, you're not going back home for at least one and a half weeks." "Oh c'mon! A week and a half?" "I know it's confusing, but you're my "kid". I want you to be safe." "Understandable."

We talked for another 4 hours and we made a compromise that I would just be safe and be near Phil or Ghostbur at all times. Mainly because they're the two to always protect me from anything and everything. "Well, I'll have to go now. I'll see you tommorow, kiddo." "Bye!"

_Phil is such a good father. He isn't my biological father, nor my adoptive father. He's just kind of taken the role of being a parental figure ever since my mother decided she didn't want to accept me. This is the second time on a year that he had to take care of me. He really cared, but I felt so scared. Maybe one day he'd get bothered that I did it again. Maybe. I should just stop thinking about these kinds of stuff, they're what got me into this in the first place. Maybe i should just watch the television._


End file.
